and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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