My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
What changed your mind?
Being sober
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize