he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
