WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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