I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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