Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
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Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
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i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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