man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
