My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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