I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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