last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize