I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
