The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize