Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Randomize
