What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize