I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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