My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
