So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
