After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We're too hungover to prance.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
