I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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