He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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