Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He did a backflip because drugs
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