I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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