whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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