I want to walk on stilts...naked
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
