and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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