My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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