"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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