I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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