Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
