do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
