five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
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They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
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Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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