Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
