I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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