One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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