can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
