Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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