I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
