You were right. It hurts to walk today.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
