Screwed.edu
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
