I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
