I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
