Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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