Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Duck Duck Cougar?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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