I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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