So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
