I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize