I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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