Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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