that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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