I am spending my child support on dildos
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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