I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
