Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
