I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
my phone needs a breathalizer
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
We left an ass print on the piano.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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