Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
were you high?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.