there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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