I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Operation Purity has been aborted
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
