hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.