did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.