why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
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I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
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Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.