Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
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He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
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Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.