I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
