you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
