The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
