At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
