Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
