My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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