someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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