Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
