he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
