Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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