Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
