I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
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I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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