That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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