hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
