Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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