I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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