If i come over, it means nothing
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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