You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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