I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
