either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
